It's taken me a bit longer than I wanted to write about my St. George experience.  I needed a bit of time to wrap my head around all of it. 

First off, St. George is an amazing place.  The red rocks emit a magnetic beauty and intensity that you can only understand if you are within their presence.  Truly.  The energy is something else, and I think it is the most amazing place to hold a race such as this.  I will definitely be back - definitely.

Beyond this, the course is also amazing.  Very, very, very difficult.  Yes - but who amongst you is afraid of a little challenge?  That's what I thought.  The volunteers at the race were absolutely impeccable, and there was this incredibly positive vibe pervading the entire race experience.  I was also lucky to have stayed with an AMAZING homestay family.  4 kids that were so cute you could hardly believe it.  And Sam and Misha  were just some of the most positive people I have ever met.  Sam was doing his very first IM and he was so excited to learn as much as he could about the day.  Yet, he also remained remarkably relaxed.  It was an honor to spend a week with such great people.  I hope to stay with them again next year when I go to this race.  TIMEX was there, and it was also great to see Tristan and Doug and some fellow athletes racing.  I met the BLAZEMAN's parents who were doing promotional work for ALS at the Expo, and that was also an honor.  They gave me a bracelet to wear and I had a promo sticker for their cause on my helmet.  I only with I could have had the opportunity to finish the race - so that I could do the roll.  Next time - you can be sure I will.

So...I guess that leads me to what happened out there and why my splits failed to continue to show throughout the race for the second time (and my second race attempt!) this season. Here's the story.  I wish it was a different story, but it just simply is what it is...

The swim was cold.  It really was.  But for the first time in my life I was entering the swim with a degree of confidence.  Still not coming out of the water in the top pack, definitely not there yet, but mid pack was very realistic.  After a month of workouts that were showing continual improvement with the swim (more than I have ever seen in the last two years of learning to swim) I knew I had it in me to have my best ever swim.  The water was cold though, and I found myself a little afraid of it once we got going.  After about 20 minutes in the water, I couldn't feel my hands, and was noticing that my breathing was not controlled or smooth, as I struggled to keep any heat in.  I just felt like I was in a strange environment, and was very aware of the danger of the cold and how it was affecting me.  I found myself in a small pack of women.  I felt the pace was too slow  and many times I was barely swimming (moving my arms) within the pack, but I will be honest in that the water temperature just made me want to be around others.  I sensed the danger in the situation, and due to my lack of swimming (race) experience, I was honestly just glad to be on feet.  But I learned from this, and I won't be using that tactic again.  If I can swim harder...then I have to just go. 

Anyways, it's nothing new to me to come out of the water with a big deficit.  It's always been the case.  So, I truly wasn't worried when I came out of the water far behind the leaders.  Land.  Here is where I do my thing.   So, after taking a bit of extra time in transition to dress appropriately, I was pumped to hop on my bike.  Or at least that's what I thought.

Immediately, there was a strong rattling in the rear of the bike.  I rode for about a mile when the whole bike seized.  I hopped off.  I looked at the wheels, the brakes.  I was desperately trying to figure out what was rattling.  HOW COULD IT BE RATTLING?  HOW COULD IT BE SEIZING?  WHAT WAS WRONG?? After two days of getting this beautiful new Orbea Ordu fit and mechanically sound, test rides all week, another last minute mechanic check before putting the bike into transition the day before the race....it was perfect.  How was this happening?  Well.  It was happening.  I found myself saying out loud, "Again....I cannot believe this is happening AGAIN."  But it was.  So, I did what I could.  I continued to fuel.  I was in contact with a motorcycle driver who truly was trying so hard to help me as I begged for tech support.  But there wasn't any tech support at the front of the race. 

At about 40 minutes in, I was acutely aware that I was losing more time.  I couldn't ride properly.  My bike kept lurching, stopping, seizing, then rattling on.  But I was able to still keep the pedals moving - although it felt so difficult to do so, so I just prayed that tech support would catch up to me.  Finally, I figured out what was wrong.  I realized that my cassette on my rear wheel was hanging there.  It was completely loose.  Completely.  The chain was struggling to move on this, and my shifting was completely out of whack.  I felt like I was barely moving...and I wasn't.  I was losing minutes and minutes and there was nothing I could do.

I went through the first bike split already 9 minutes (from the bike alone) behind the leaders.  Things were looking really, really bad.  Finally at 25 miles, my bike seized completely and I couldn't go an inch further.  I stood by the side of the road completely numb.  Some wonderful ladies doing race support  tried to help me, gave me a cell phone so I could call Scott to see what he wanted me to do - which was to call it a day, get home, and start preparing for the next race.    I stood by the side of the road for 45 minutes before getting a ride back to get my things from a police officer.  I never did see tech support.  I don't blame anyone for that.  It just was what it was.  2,500 people in the race....and that was just the way of it .  It wasn't for a lack of trying on anyone's part.  It was just really unfortunate, bad, flukishly, and flabbergastingly bad luck.  That's all.

After the bike 'autopsy' it turns out that the cassette was stripped (the lock nut) so when the cassette was tightened, although it seemed tight, it wasn't.  Impossible to know otherwise.  It slowly came loose over my week of training prior to the race.  Had I ridden one more ride on it, I would have known that it was loose.  But for some reason....for SOME reason....this was supposed to happen.  I don't understand why now....but I think one day I will.

As an athlete, you roll the dice.  Your job is a constant gamble with no guarantees.  It may seem as though I am having more bad luck than most (sometimes seems that way) but the more pro athletes I talk to, the more I realize I am far from alone.  Take Heather Wurtele for the prime example.  Heather had a spectacular day out there on Saturday, and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more.  But she's been bombarded by 'terrible luck' in her career and after so many DNFs and disappointments....she finally had a day that came together for her where she was finally able to really show her stuff.  And that she did.   She had wonderful words of encouragement for me after the race.  She understands.  And I am so happy for her for her result.  Awesome, Heather.  You really do deserve it.  Enjoy this one!

The thing about rolling dice though, is that eventually you will roll what it is your looking for.   Sometimes you roll the magic numbers on the first try, sometimes it takes time.  Although I am no mathemetician (just barely skimmed by Calculus and Statistics in university!!!) I do know that this all comes down to probability and statistics.  

All pro athletes struggle. They struggle at different times, and in different ways.  It's the part of the job that the media doesn't talk about.  When you're on top, the media talks alot about it - and that's what people hear.  What they don't hear about are the tough times.  The quiet and painful times where you are faced with either folding or continuing on.  The ones who make it are the ones who continue on.  Period. I believe in that 100%.  Chris McCormack used to jump out of hotel windows because he couldn't afford to pay the bill.  He nearly folded after going for Kona 6 times....before finally doing the deed.  It's JUST the way it is.  Like Scott says, there is no such thing as 'luck.'  It's just life.  It is what it is.  What's important is learning from our experiences.  That's all that counts.  So, that's what I will continue to do, until I get my shot to do what it is I am ready to do.  One day at a time.  Patience....apparently I will learn it if it kills me.

So, like I always say....onwards and upwards.  IM Coeur d'Alene is next on the list for big races (boy the racing schedule has changed a lot already this year!!!) They say bad things happen in threes.  Well.....in the last year of going full-time as a pro, I've had the three most feared things (for athletes) to happen.  Injury (tendonitis in the fall), illness (sick in China), and mechanicals (St. George cassette.)  I think we're done now.  I"m ready to go out and nail one.  I really am. 

Thanks, everyone, for the incredible support!  Coeur d'Alene - here I come. 

The importance of pacing for an endurance athlete is one of the most critical aspects of your training and performance.

You go out too fast and you end up suffering far more than necessary, only to limp in with a disappointing result for yourself.  Go out too slow, and although you might 'suffer' less, you're still not going to be pleased with the final outcome if your overall time is in any way important to you - which for most of us - it is.  Although as I've discussed before, your final results or time should not define your experience for you, it is still something many of us think about to help us gauge improvement over time, assess our training, and to simply experience the satisfation of meeting an external goal.  So, I don't recommend your result/time to be your focus, but I do recommend that it still hold value for these reasons.

Pacing has become increasingly popular and integrated within endurance training for a few years now, thanks in part to the adaptation of GPS watches.  Prior to this, in order to assess your speed/distance/pace during a training run you needed either a treadmill, a track, or specified markers (such as in a race to record your splits.)  I guess if you were really hard core you could also use a friend on a bike for a pace bunny...but you need a couple of really good buddies to recycle through if this was your pacing method of choice!!

So, I now bring to you...drum roll please....the highly anticipated....TIMEX GPS Global Trainer.  Long-awaited...but as of June 2010, this hot little "machine on a wrist" will be hitting retail and available for purchase!  Oooh la la! Welcome to the new generation - TIMEX style!!!  And I ask you...is there any other style when it comes to performance watches?  That's what I figured;-)

http://www.timexironman.com/Products/Global_Trainer_GPS.htm

Some notable features for all you pace bunnies out there:

-GPS is driven by SiRFstarIII chipset which acquires satellite signals faster and lose connection less often than watches using older chipsets such as Forerunning 101, 201, and 301.

-Can store up to 100 waypoints with the trackback feature and 50 custom routes

-Records up to 1,000 lap times

-4 quadrant screen (LOVE THIS!!!!!)  So easy, so clear....so very TIMEX!

-PC/Mac compatible

-Ability to import performance to Training Peaks software

-Can be used with bike sensors, all TIMEX heart rate chest straps and ANT+ third party bike power sensors.

Now, let it be said, that I am a huge believer in pacing.  If you want to run a goal 'time' in a race, then you need to train your body to race at that pace - (amazing concept, I know!!)  Slowly but surely, we can use consistent pacing in our training to help us reach our goals, and this watch will take us there.  At the same time, I also think it's important to realize that pacing is not the only thing that will help us reach our goals.  Two other important pieces of the puzzle are monitoring our heart rates and understanding our perceived exertion.  The latter being the most critical of all. 

The Global Trainer will monitor your heart rate (and allow you to also monitor your speed, pace, distance all at the same time - if you so choose!)  Since being given a premiere version of this doozy of a timepiece at the TIMEX camp in New Jersey a couple of months ago, I use the Global Trainer for about 50% of my runs.  It's the ticket when I want to be out in the elements and maintaining a specified pace to get my body (especially the legs!) used to running at a "x" pace for "x" time. 

Sometimes though, I just want the chronological time and my heart rate.  I don't want to be tempted by knowing my pace (which I always am when I have the Global Trainer!)  I think..."Oooooh, I wonder what pace I'm holding right now." Our pace can sometimes trick us.  For example, running uphill into the wind, might have us at a threshold heart rate, but our pace is only what would otherwise be considered a 'steady' pace. I recall having a conversation with Jerry Ziak shortly after the Toronto Waterfront Marathon in 2007 where I told him the pace I ran in the final mile of the race.  He then looked at me sideways as he asked me what on EARTH I was doing looking at my 'pace' during the final mile of a marathon.  I held my head in shame.  How TRUE!  But again, the point is that there is a time and a place for pacing.  The final mile of a marathon....not the time, people!! The energy I wasted (mentally and physically) by looking incessantly at my watch (prior to the TIMEX GPS days) could have gained me a few extra seconds, maybe putting me at a 2:48 marathon...rather than a 2:49 - in that race.  Time and a place....time and a place!!!

  Heart rate (used alone) also allows us to get a better sense for our perceived exertion.  We get to know what our bodies experience and feel like at given efforts or heart rates, and can use that information for pacing the long distance races when the variables change constantly throughout the race.  Too much dependence on pace can be detrimental, so you have to remember to keep it in balance - at least in my humble opinion. For some workouts, I just want to leave the newest technology behind and look solely at my heart rate as my gauge.  So, for about 25% of my runs I will use the TIMEX Road Trainer, which is, quite simply, legendary.  It simple, it's small, it's easy, and definitely not a TIMEX piece to be forgotten in these times of great evolution, with new additions such as the Global Trainer, WS4, and TapScreen.

http://walking.about.com/od/prhrm/gr/timexroadhrm.htm

So what do I use for the remaining 25% of the time for my training runs?  Nothing.  Na da.  Perceived exertion.  Scott tells me to go easy, I go easy.  He tells me to go steady, I listen to my breathing.  He tells me to go hard, I make sure everything hurts;-)

My point?  Balance between the pacing tools towards getting faster: Speed, Heart Rate, and Perceived Exertion.  TIMEX delivers in the first two areas...the third is up to you!

According to Webster's Dictionary, the top two definitions of the verb to control, are as follows:

1.)  to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command

2.)  to hold in check; curb

 In preparation for St. George which is swiftly approaching, Scott decided to initiate our pre-race discussions and plans around one question, "What does it mean for you to control a race from start to finish, and end up with a result that you are happy with?"  Good one.  Now, as I am sure for most of you, that word 'control' seems to depict some interesting images in our minds.  Often which are accompanied with or connected to a negative connotation.  Something like this perhaps.....

Seem familiar?

However, when Scott asked me about controlling a race, I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about THIS kind of control.  In fact, how are these images in any way even truly related to the word control?

In an race like Ironman, we are anything but in control...of our circumstances.  The sooner we realize and accept this, the better off we are. That is for absolute certain.  Weather, what the other athletes are or aren't doing, mechanicals, cramping....the list is endless for an event such as this.  I like to say that we can prepare our very best for a race like this, but in the end, it is up to the "Triathlon Gods" who will decide how things will turn out for you - in the end.  Or perhaps not.  Perhaps they set up some of the factors or variables, but the onus is actually on YOU to decide how it will turn out - more times than not, anyways.  Interesting concept!  One thing that is for certain, is that if you try to use some of the methods shown above to control how your race will turn out...you're probably setting yourself up for a pretty tough day!

 After thinking pretty hard about this question, it is clear that the above images connote anything BUT control, in fact they represent the exact opposite. Through this process, I have come to wonder if the English language needs to evolve a little bit more with regards to this linguistic imprecision.  According to Webster, the terms command or dominate, don't really seem conducive to what I actually think "control" means.

 So, how about I paste in some images of what I DO think control means so that I am being clear.  Let's try this again shall we?

 Now, I don't know about you, but I think this is more like it.

 Control, within a race, or in anything we do in our lives, is not about controlling the outcome.  We cannot do this.  Instead, what we can do is control how we 'react' to those things that present themselves to us.  If we want to race, or BE, at our best, we have to remain in control...of ourselves.

 At IM Canada 2009, my first Ironman as a professional, I lost control of my fuelling after a cable snapped at the 120 km. mark of the bike.  I ran my way into third, but I was not in control.  I was so very much OUT of control, that I was unable to join in on the finish line spraying of champagne....instead I found myself hooked up to multiple IVs in the med tent.  Had I remained in control of myself when this happened, I would have realized that although I couldn't control the mechanical, I was still moving forward, and I COULD control my fuelling.  This I have learned.