Funny thing, this thing called time.  Although it has only been a few weeks since my last blog, the shift in perspective since that 'time' has been a full 180.  And beyond that, with the continued passage of time, every minute, every hour, every day....I just get that much closer to where I am going.  Headed straight for 110%.  So very close.

So interestingly, I have being looking closely at 'time' lately.  And asking myself why I have always impatiently fought it?  It would seem by looking at the two examples above, that time is indeed not the enemy.  Not at all.  But with my previous mentality, I didn't yet understand this.  The old mentality was to put my head down, grit my teeth, and power on through.  Never taking the 'time' to look at how I could be more efficient.  How I could be more effective.  How I could save needed energy, in Ironman, and in life. 

I am the poster child for barrelling on through particularly in my racing and training. I fooled myself into thinking that if I just pushed harder I would go faster.  So VERY not the case.   I am learning that I have always been more about 'quantity' than I was about 'quality.'  I thought it was the other way around, I really did, but I was only mistaking myself.  The way I looked at it was, the 'faster the better.'  I wanted results, and I wanted them yesterday. But getting results 'yesterday' will never give you the results that you want. You will always be disappointed with this approach...and not to mention...tired.

I have been my own worst enemy. But what's funny, is that I didn't even know it (or at least take the 'time' to acknowledge it...until now).  The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  And PATIENCE was a lesson that has continued to present itself to me in my life...over and over and over again....but only now am I starting to give it the respect it has always needed.

Let's take a look.  I'll provide some swim, bike, run examples to make my point. 

Swim.  My swim has always sucked.  Big time.  Given I did not swim as a child (other than your basic lifesaving swim lessons.)  But do you think I would take the proper time to re-learn?  To start from the beginning?  To erase the bad habits?  Not a chance!  Until I was forced to.  Until I was forced to start bare bones from scratch.  Even then I fought it.  Until Emil Dimitrov has taught me to relax in the water.  He had to re-program my head.  It was not easy, but we are starting to see results.  And the result is that I am not fighting the water anymore.  Now we can roll.

 Bike.  I have recently started using power.  I will admit that I raced/trained using heart rate and perceived exertion prior to the accident and I cannot believe how much of the puzzle I was missing by not using power.  Since I have started using power, I have learned that I continued to ride like a 'roadie`as that was my background in the sport.  Problem is that this is not an efficient way to ride Ironman.  Spiked efforts don't work in this game.  Smooth and steady efforts do.  With Paulo giving me some zones to work with for my wattage, I am learning that the only way (just like the swim) to execute successfully is to find the rhythm and to stay relaxed (yet strong).  FIND THAT RHYTHM.  And power is the perfect gauge to help you find it.  

Run.  As my tib post strengthens and the tendonosis from the lack of movement (in the first couple months post-accident) and surgery begins its departure, I am no longer rushing it.  I am, instead, protecting this cocoon of mine.  Waiting for my shot.  So, I do stairs - LOTS of them - to continue to strengthen ALL the muscles on my left side.  And it is SO working.  And then, I run 5 minutes a day.  But I stop it at that.  Small doses.  I am re-teaching it, but I have to be careful not to give it too much too soon.  And every time I bump that treadmill up to a faster speed, it tells me that I am doing exactly what I should be doing.  Not forcing.  Not rushing.  But doing it right.  And this will be one beauty of a result once it`s all said and done.

My dad recently told me about something he read recently that goes something like this.  "Many people don't have the time to do something right...but interestingly enough...they have time to do it over."  Voila.  I've been doing it wrong for a long time.  And perhaps I had to face my own death to get a grip on it.  But the fact is, I get it now.  

And as I've said before.  I will be back.  But this time I won't be back the way I was.  I will be back the way I have always been meant to be.

(More news to come, but I'll end it here as this is a new topic altogether.  Coming to a blog soon!)