I was reminded by a good friend yesterday that I have been sorely neglecting my blog as of late.  Guilty as charged.  This one's for you, Sam:)

I'll be the first to admit it.  There have been some rough days recently.  I guess that will come to no surprise for most of you, as when a person goes through a recovery process/journey like this, its 'kind of' a given.   Maybe that's understatement of the year...very possibly so.  But regardless, the ride has been a tad more bumpy than normal lately. Why?  Three key reasons.

1.)  Things are close.  Very close.  But not there yet.  I'm tired from the journey.  It's kind of like an Ironman (ironically enough.)  A large part of the the race is actually quite easy.  You're fresh.  Things seem to tick along nicely.  And then fatigue sets in. You find yourself wondering how you will possibly take one step further.  But you know you have to.  You have to dig deep.....very, very, very deep.  Deeper than you ever thought possible.  And for any one of you who has ever done that....you know how tough that can be.

 2.)  Race season has begun.  Most of my friends and people that are close to me, are racing.  It's tough to stand on the sidelines and watch when every fibre of your being is vibrating at the very idea of racing again.  But you have to understand it's not 'only' racing to me.  It's my job.  It's my passion.  It makes it just that much tougher.

3.)  I'm a runner by 'trade.'  It is my 'specialty.'  My ultimate source of happiness.  I haven't run a 'real run' for over 5 months.  My tib post remains stubborn.  It remains cranky.   And in turn...it is making me cranky.

 All of this has allowed things like 'doubt' (I hate that word...and hate even MORE that I've allowed it to hover around) to get into my head.  I've also felt a lot of fear lately.  The kind of fear that grabs you by the throat and makes it hard to swallow.  Fear that makes you wake up in a cold sweat.  It's been some fun times.

Interestingly enough, there are also 3 key things that have put all of the above in their place.  And their place is unquestionably...a garbage dump.

1.)  I ran into a friend, Sean, the other day who was actually in the army and went through 'sniper training' of all things.  He heard me out and how I was feeling and he said he had one thing to say to me in response.  Through his sniper training he learned that it was critical to wait for your shot.  If you shoot too early...it's too late.  You have to wait.  And then....somehow...somewhere...maybe when you least expect it...it's time to make your shot.  Wait for it.

2.)  Steve King.  Steve is not only an epic runner, counsellor, and race announcer, but he is also the 'voice of IM Canada.'  Steve also helped Jordan Rapp through his recovery process and was highly recommended to me by Jordan himself shortly after my own accident. Best recommendation I was ever given.  I saw Steve last night and he reminded me that I need to think of my healing process as a cocoon.  The cocoon will emerge as a beautiful butterfly, but it cannot be rushed.  If it is rushed, it may be ruined forever.  I need to protect that cocoon with everything I've got.  It may be one of the most important jobs I've ever had.

3.) And then there is Wade.  I met Wade only a few months prior to my accident, but he has been the most key aspect to my recovery.  Just another reason why the stars aligned to have everything in motion for me so that I could recover as quickly and throughly as possible.  I could not do this without him.  He listens.  He supports.  He believes.  And he just will not allow me to stray off this path which he knows as much as I do that I need to follow.  No one does it alone.  And Wade has proven this to be true in exemplary fashion...time and time again.

 So, that's where it is. That's where it has been.  And thanks to Sean, Steve, and Wade....I'm back on track and ready to go from 95%....to 110%.  The toughest part.  The final push begins.