A couple of years ago I’d pull into my driveway, turn the key of the doorknob to my home and walk inside. Sure, there was furniture and a thermostat and yet it was “cold and empty.” I had all the freedom in the world, but it didn’t mean much because I didn’t have a home built on a foundation of love – someone I loved deeply to share it with.
Of course people would ask me, “Hey, Janelle, you’ve been single for like…3 years now…don’t you want a relationship? Isn’t it lonely being alone?” My immediate response would be, “Nope. I’m good. I’m waiting for the ‘right guy’ and in the mean time I’m perfectly happy.” I was lying to myself and others, pretending that I was choosing this. I wasn’t.
I’d write fantasy lists about my perfect partner. How much money he made, the colour of his eyes, what his spiritual practice looked like and his favourite hobbies.
The thing about these visions and lists we create for ourselves is that they work – what we intend we can absolutely manifest. We live in a brilliant universe that wants us to have what we want – it wouldn’t have us want it to begin with if we weren’t meant to have it!
The problem for most of us is that we expect it to be a certain way – we get an idea in our heads about how it’s going to go and we become attached to it. And when we’re attached – we close the doors on what’s possible, stress out about every detail and are super hard on ourselves. None of which create the space for what you want to come to you!
I had a lot of expectation about how my perfect partner would be and how he would show up and was deeply attached to it. So I stayed alone – just me a perpetual love affair with my fears and expectations.
As it went, most guys wouldn’t “meet my expectations” and I’d brush them off because I didn’t want to to give them the wrong idea. Every once in awhile I’d meet a guy that I decided “had potential” and I’d be flustered and ‘weird’ around them because I’d build it up so big in my head that I couldn’t actually be myself around them.
Either way, I was screwed, because I couldn’t be myself around any guy!! So here’s how I eventually managed to turn it around.
Language creates and we can create ourselves to BE anyone we choose. I got crystal clear that who I was being was closed, constrained, fearful and lonely – therefore creating more of the same. I decided to re-create myself using language starting with what was missing.
What was missing was being open and vulnerable, authentic and generous (see it was really all about me and what I wanted – I was forgetting to consider what my ultimate partner wanted!)
So I kept coming back to that. It was messy because I was used to being a certain way, but I committed to continue to catch myself, give up the old way of being and be the new me I’d created. It was freeing, empowering and… produced results.
Literally weeks later I’m sitting at the beach with a friend of mine. Just a friend. Nothing more – because of course he didn’t meet my “list.” He turned to me and expressed that he was interested in me. He wanted to know if I felt the same way.
My immediate response? Heart pounding, stomach churning and an inner dialogue that kept going off on one word, “SHIT!” And then I remembered my commitment. I get to choose. I get to say. I remembered that who I say I now am is open, vulnerable, authentic and generous. And I decided to give it a shot.
Over the next few months, I was open, vulnerable and authentic as I shared about my past, my fears and what I dreamed of in the future – without constraint. I was also generous as I got over in HIS world to discover how life occurred to him, what was important to him, what stopped him and what he dreamed was possible. It’s allowed us both to become what we’ve both most wanted in a partner – our love is a continual dance of creation.
What it looks like now is I turn the key in the lock to our home and walk inside. It’s warm, inviting, often soft music playing and Patrick, more often than not, greets me at the door with a hug to let me know how glad he is to see me. I have a home build on the foundation of love like I always wanted. And it’s just the beginning.
Below are 5 tips and tools to support you in having what you want.
5 Keys to Creating What You Want:
- Re-create yourself using language with an I AM anchor statement each day. Download the e-book: “The 10 Minute Morning: How to Own your Day Before Breakfast“
- Look truthfully at how you’re living (what you’re doing, who you’re being) and give up what’s actually not working.
- Putting in what’s missing (new actions, new ways of being)
- Get support, share what you’re creating and ask someone to hold you accountable. Join the FB Group “Change your Game. It’s your Move” for weekly accountability and support.
- Relax. Stop trying so hard to figure it out or analyze what you’re doing right/wrong. Manifestation comes when you’re relaxed. Take new actions and chill out! Open yourself up to the miraculous because what you want – also wants you.
You get to choose. You get to say. Stop pretending that it’s any other way.
For 1-1 Performance Coaching contact Janelle directly to find out more about “GameChanger™ It’s your Move Performance Coaching”